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Girl Crushed

By Sheilah Madonna M. Salvador

She asked me to stop 
throwing rocks at her window 
because I would never 
get back the green wingback,
the one we found on the 
sidewalk, the summer we 
stayed at my grandmother’s 
place near Elliot Lake.

We drank cherry cola and
ate wild strawberries all day, 
slept until the sun 
crept through the blinds that 
gave us cover when we’d 
had enough of staring at stars,
of watching trucks go by 
on the highway.

She said that I seduced her 
with lies and Moscato, that I 
did not mean it when I said
that I liked how heavy she felt,
that the pills I gave her were 
diet pills not sleeping pills. 

But they were,
so she can sleep, 
dream, 
so I could 
watch
her breathe,
play with her lips, 
smell her skin.

She seduced me
with her thick thighs and 
big eyes. I still remember 
how her tears tasted, how soft 
her hair felt. She was 
untouched, 
unloved territory. 
Terra nullius.
I wanted to own her. 

I liked it when
she pulled my hair, 
scratched my face,
when she slapped me 
the way her mother did. 
I wished she
hit me harder.

She moved like gentle waters 
on a peaceful day,
when she sighed my body trembled.
I would drink all of her if she 
let me. 
She quenched me like
fresh cut watermelons on a 
hot blistering day.

She told me she didn’t 
want to see me anymore 
because I liked watching her 
cry too much, to stop calling
because it’s been two years, 
and that I will never get back
the green wingback we found 
on the sidewalk that summer 
we stayed at Elliot Lake when I
choked her too much.

Sheilah Madonna is a mature student who is in her fourth year at the University of Toronto. She writes casually for the The Puritan-Town Crier, was shortlisted for the Eden Mills Writers Festival poetry contest in 2018, and will be featured in the Scarborough anthology Feel Ways, which will be released in 2021. Her writing and photography is inspired and influenced by her experiences as a Pilipino immigrant and settler, guided by the wisdom and worldview that she continues to learn as an Indiginous Studies Major. 

Photo credit: Europeana on Unsplash

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